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KABABALAGHAN SA DORMITORYO

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U Confessions

I was born a Christian pero marami akong paniniwala na nagclash sa kinalakihan ko bilang Kristyano. I learned the philosophies of Atheism here I UP and they all make sense to me…
Anyway, here’s my story… Nagdecide ako na lumipat ng boarding house last year. Kasama ko yung friend kong Catholic na umupa. Walang kaso sakin yung religion niya, sinisiguro kong may respeto ako sa pinaniniwalaan ng iba. Ayo slang sakin na maglagay siya ng religious articles sa kuwarto basta dun lang sa side niya.
Pero onetime, I was having a really bad day at may student pastor na nagpilit magfellowship something sa kuwarto naming. Umayaw ako. Naasar ako kasi ang yabang ng dating niya hanggang sa nagkasagutan kami. Sa galit ko, kinuha ko yung bible at crucifixna gagamitin dapat nila… all of a sudden, nagka-urge ako na sunugin. At ginawa ko nga, sinunong ko sa labas ng bahay.Hindi ko ma-explain, parang wala nako sa sarili ko. Sinabi ko nalang na di ko nakita yung crucifix nung tinanong ako ng friend ko. I must admit, kinilabutan ako sa nagawa ko. Then, strange things occurred…

Minsan may naririnig kaming kumakatok sa main door kahit wala naming taoMinsan din daw nahulog yung images ng saints and crucifix from the altar na parang sinadya, pero di ko siya naexperience personally. Di ako sold sa idea na may “other entity” na daw sa boarding house. As a person who beieves in no god, I don’t believ in ghosts and fairytales as well. At first I thought everything was just a prank, not until I experienced it.
Tinatapos ko yung paper ko sa may dining area, malapit sa stairs. Sanay akong gumawa ng assignments na magisa kapag tulog na yung iba. Yung focus ng mata ko nasa lapto, pero sa peripheral vision ko parang may shadow na bumaba ng hagdan. Sa simula di ko siya pinansin, baka dahil lang sa puyat or pagod. Pero nung second time na naaninag ko yung shadow, ang lapit na niya sakin. Nilingon ko na siya pero biglang nawala… Then I felt something pulled my hair, Napakapit ako sa table sa lakas ng pagkakahila kaya alam kong hindi yun imagination lang. It almost scared me to death. Simula noon ang pakiramdam ko lagging may nakatingin sakin, kahit may kasama ako.
Madalas narin ako managinip tungkol sa parents ko sa province. Everytime na mapapanaginipan ko sila, either may sakit sila or humihingi ng tulong. Most of the time din agitated ako, na parang may masamang mangyayari. I was so depressed about everything. I also felt weird being surrounded by religious objects, to the point na sinabihan ko yung kaibigan ko na tanggalin sila sa kuwarto.
Yung last na experience ko ay habang patulog nako. My roommate can attest to this. May narinig kaming nagpupukpok ng malakas sa labas ng kuwarto naming. Bawal sa boarding house naming ang magingay after 10 kaya nakapagtataka kung sinong magiingay samin ng ganon. Sinubukan nalang naming na matulog, hoping na sisitahin din kung sino yung nagiingay… Then I heard this loud and deep voice in my ear. Malinaw kong narinig yung sinabi… “mortema nevos”
Dun nako nagsimula magbreak down. Hirap na hirap na ako sa sitwasyon ko. My friend confronted me at sinabi ko na ang lahat sa kanya. It was not easy, though being surrounded by friends really helped. May nagsabi rin saakin nab aka may nagawa daw ako to attract bad vibes. Good begets good, evil begets evil. Kahit anong paniniwala ko, lagging ganito raw ang nasusunod. May idea ako kung anong nagawa ko na mali, pero mahirap parin sakin na maniwala. Sa ngayon, naghahanap ako ng boarding house o apartment na malilipatan.
-non-believer 2009

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