Filip says:
I have no words for this next featured article. Just read the title. It's been floating around the interwebs so we're not really sure who to give credit to. If you wrote this thing (you rock my smelly socks), feel free to email me and we'll credit you.

Nakuha ko ito sa email ng isang taong bored ngayon sa Singapore… itago nalang natin sa pangalang Brian.

1. Black hawk down - ibong maitim sa ibaba
2. dead man’s chest - dodo ng patay
3. i know what you did last summer - uyy… aminin!
4. love, actually - sa totoo lang, pag-ibig
5. million dollar baby - 50 million pisong sanggol (it depends on the exchange rate of the country)
6. the blair witch project - ang proyekto ng bruhang si blair
7. mary poppins - si mariang may putok
8. snakes on a plane - nag-ahasan sa ere
9. the postman always rings twice - ang kartero kapag dumutdot laging dalawang beses
10. sum of all fears - takot mo, takot ko, takot nating lahat
11. swordfish - talakitok
12. pretty woman - ganda ng lola mo
13. robin hood, men in tights - si robin hood at ang mga felix bakat
14. 4 weddings in a funeral - kahit 4 na beses ka pang magpakasal, mamamatay ka rin
15. the good, the bad and the ugly - ako, ikaw, kayong lahat
16. harry potter and the sorcerer’s stone - adik si harry, tumira ng shabu
17. click - isang pindot ka lang

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Filip says:
Even if you're not a guy, I believe you'd understand the discomfort that Fritz is talking about in this article and though I'm still in school and can't relate to the idea of board meetings, I found delight in seeing some familiar Japanese names here. Go read. It was written by a blogging rock star. *head bangs*

It’s the big day. You have prepared for the presentation with everything you could arm yourself with: corroborating documentations, related statistical information, facts-facts-and-more-facts, a thumbs up from your immediate boss, a well made powerpoint presentation with graphs and hyper-links, and, most importantly, a good night’s sleep. You say to yourself, “this is it,” and that nothing else could possibly go wrong. You propel yourself into the boardroom with more confidence than what most TV personalities have while in front of a camera during an international live airing of the single most will-be watched coverage of something with global relevance and importance.

You wait. Five minutes ’til shake and bake.

Standing in front of your audience, you stare at 10 of top brass executives occupying the highest positions in your company. It is after all a proposal your subsidiary’s New York Head Office have taken a liking on the moment you first presented the revolutionarily sound business solution via electronic mail. That’s a two-level promotion in the bag once your 30-minute-tops talk is done.

Time flies when you enjoy what you do. Your talk is soon over and you open the floor to Q&A. The AVP for Finance clears his throat and you acknowledge him by nodding in his direction. He mumbles something expected and, God, you are so prepared for it. You formulate the single, best, most eloquent sentence construction of this deal-closing answer you have inside your head. You say, “Thank you,” followed by a brief pause, preparing your audience for something they would definitely blow their brains out the moment words of refined precision start flowing out and through your authoritative chops.

Then, it happens.

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Filip says:
The next featured article was actually written for The LaSallian - Menagerie by Gerry Avelino and Arik Abu *worships*. It's been circulating in different blogs and that we were left with no choice but to feature it. I cracked up so bad when I read it especially because I have a lot of friends who speak like that, noh? If you can't relate to it, chances are, you're not Pinoy

by Gerry Avelino and Arik Abu
(taken from The LaSallian-Menagerie)

Conyo here, conyo there, conyo everywhere! Here at La Salle, conyospeak has become an unofficial language as a good chunk of the student body knows, or maybe even mastered the socialite tongue. However, one must never forget the basics of the conyo and we thusly bring you: The Ten Conyomandments.

1. Thou shall make gamit “make + pandiwa”.
ex. “Let’s make pasok na to our class!”
“Wait lang! I’m making kain pa!”
“Come on na, we can’t make hintay anymore! It’s in Andrew pa, you know?”

2. Thou shall make kalat “noh”, “diba” and “eh” in your pangungusap.
ex. “I don’t like to make lakad in the baha nga, no? Eh diba it’s like, so eew, diba?”
“What ba: stop nga being maarte noh?”
“Eh as if you want naman also, diba?”

3. When making describe a whatever, always say “It’s SO pang-uri!”
ex. “It’s so malaki, you know, and so mainit!”
“I know right? So sarap nga, eh!”
“You’re making me inggit naman.. I’ll make bili nga my own burger.”

4. When you are lalaki, make parang punctuation “dude”, ‘tsong” or “pare”
ex. “Dude, ENGANAL is so hirap, pare.”
“I know, tsong, I got bagsak nga in quiz one, eh”

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Filip says:
Last August 30, a historical event happened at the Fort open grounds. The iconic band that revolutionized OPM, the band whose songs were sung by the tambays and the conyos, the band that defined an entire generation, went on stage once more, 7 years after they broke up. What you're about to read is a very honest, almost surreal blog entry by a true-blue E-Heads fan. Enjoy.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ito isusulat nang hindi ako napapatulala. Hindi ko alam.

Nagsimula ang countdown sa 10:00. Ang tagal pala ng sampung minuto, bakit kapag nag-su-snooze ako ng alarm, parang five minutes lang? Nung dumating na sa wakas ang 1:00, ang pakiramdam ko e parang yung itinataas ako saSpace Shuttle at hinihintay ko na lang yung hudyat na mahuhulog na ‘ko. Ang lamig sa katawan, parang umabnormal yung heartbeat ko, kung mayheartbeat pa ako. (Kung wala na, may mga medical team naman daw na nakapaligid sabi ni Announcer for the nth time.)

At natapos ang isang minuto, at nagsimula ang maiksing picture montage. At biglang narinig ko ang introng pamilyar–ten ten ten ten tenetenten ten ten ten ten tenenenten maaay. At nagliwanag ang stage. At lumabas silang apat. At nakita ko si Ely. At nakita ko sila.

Ang Eraserheads.

At ako? Ako ay nawala.

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Filip says:
BIllycoy, in my opinion, is one of the funniest writers in the blogosphere, with his trademark tongue-in-cheek witty Tagalog and experiences, which almost anyone can relate to. Take this entry, for example. I think I died when I read it (from laughter, of course) and felt like it has happened to me before, and I refuse to elaborate because that wasn't the best night of my life. Eerrr... I think I should shut up now. Enjoy!

Naaalala niyo pa ba yung diwatang bading ng Luneta? Well, parang naulit na naman ang ganitong pagkakataon sa akin. At this time, really close na talaga at muntikan pa akong ma-devirginize!?

Nitong kamakailan, habang binabaybay ko ang Greenbelt… G-R-E-E-N-B-E-L-T… may lalaking ewan ang tumapik sa aking balikat. Nagtatanong siya sa akin ng direction. English-speaking pa ang mokong kaya naman kinausap ko siya at para ma-practice ko rin ang napag-aralan ko sa speech class ko 4 years ago.

“Do you know the way to EDSA?” tanong ng stranger na sumulpot bigla sa likuran ko with matching usok at the background at sound effects na POOF.

“Yeah, you’ll turn right… blah, blah, blah” sagot ko naman. Ang gago naintindihan ang salita kong blah blah blah, may lahi rin yatang alien itong taong unknown na ito.

“Are you going the same way too? Can I walk with you instead?”

At dahil pinapalinis ko pa ang isang turnilyo ng chopper ko pumayag ako na samahan siya. “Oh sure!” sagot ko. Di ba napaka-nice at napaka-accomodating ko?

“You’re so nice and very accomodating. I like you.”

Sabi sa inyo mabait at accomodating ako.

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Filip says:
Yes, I, Filip am your typical middleclass guy - I flailed the first time I heard how much an LV bag costs. But thanks to this featured article, I finally understood what my classmate said - that a luggage can feed a thousand kids in Sudan.

Malamang eh maraming nagtatanong nito. Halos lahat ng lalaking sinabihan ko na 1 million + ang halaga ng isang Louis Vuitton Luggage ay dalawa lang ang reaksyon; either sisigaw ng HUWAAAAT o halos tumalsik na ang laway nila sakin dahil sa gulat.

Ano nga bang meron sa Louis Vuitton?

Sa mga sobrang mangmang dyan na hindi pa nakaka-alam, ang pangalang Louis Vuitton ay isang designer at hindi lang fictional brand. LV is an icon of luxury and high-class fashion. Marami naring mga fashionista ang nag-explain kung anong something sa LV but I’m sure not everyone could still understand… kaya gagawan ko nalang ng analogy.

Ang pagbili ng Louis Vuitton na bag, ay parang pagbili ng Havaianas. Tsinelas lang ang Havaianas pero hindi standard ang presyo. Ito ay dahil sa branding at quality… same with LV. Sa pagbili ng Louis Vuittion, hindi mo binibili ang bag, binibili mo ang tatak. Pag bumili ka ng LV para mo na rin sinabing, “Pabili nga po ng tatak”. Ganun. Aminin mo, minsan mo nang nasabing ang panget ng design ng LV. Pero dahil nga sa Louis Vuitton ‘to, ang presyo ay ginto.

Ang pagbili ng Louis Vuitton ay parang pagbili ng sports car. Sa kotse, nakakarating ka kung saan saan at pwede mo itong ipagmayabang… which are 2 main purposes ng LV bag: magbibit ng gamit kung saan saan at SHOW OFF na ikaw ay mayaman.

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Filip says:
I know quite a few people who hate vegetables with a passion and fortunately, I'm not one of them. That's why this article caught my attention because it talks about my two favorite topics- love and brocolli. Yes, I'm a fan of brocolli. You can stop laughing now. Our very own Kring Elenzano did a collaboration with one of our fave writers, Ade Magnaye for this epic Valentine's Day entry.

To celebrate Velentine’s Day, FunnySexy and The Noisy Man decided to do a collab and go all apeshit emo about love.It is based on Ade’s brilliant quote and just so you don’t get confused, the pink pragraphs are mine and his are blue. Totally gay, I know. Enjoy it, folks and even if it’s as long as my thesis paper!

Broccoli of Dating
by Kring Elenzano and Ade Magnaye
February 14, 2008 (c)

“We are the broccoli of dating. We’re good for people, they just don’t want us.”

I’ve been single for the past 22 years and I think I’ve somehow flaunted that fact like a tiara on my head. To me, NBSB = high standards. Not. In reality, I’ve cried a little too much thinking that maybe, just maybe, I’m not good enough. You see, guys only started asking me out last year. Hell, I had my first real kiss just before the 2007 elections and I have never received a love letter in my life. Not even anything that says “I crush you. Pautang naman ng pamasahe…” (I have a crush on you. Can I borrow fare money?)

I actually did that to someone. Y’see, I was broke way back in college and I needed money REAL badly. So I like looked for the ugliest fattest, richest girl I could find. So I wrote the mushiest love letter I could think of and then five paragraphs on I asked for a hundred bucks so I could afford to eat lunch. And then she probably fell in love with me then and there. Yeah, I got my lunch money but I spent the next three years of college with a fat girl hiding in the bushes everywhere I go. Also, it was scary- wait aren’t we writing about the Broccoli of Dating? Yeah, so I just got my 20th Valentine’s Day date rejection. And my fifth restraining order.

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Filip says:
To quote one of our bosses here at flippish, "A woman's motivation is always success. A man's motivation is always a woman." so please don't take it against us. I have to agree with the author, though and Jericho- tsk tsk.

The latest Philippine showbiz news on the break up of Heart Evangelista (Love Ongpauco) and Jericho Rosales, dating for three years prior to their breakup this month, made waves all over the country. Their relationship is a good case study on ‘rich girl falls in love with a poor guy’, old money vs. new money, and other rich-poor cliches. That the girl sacrificed a lot for her boyfriend is obvious. She fought for him vs. her family, and turned a blind eye on rumors that he is womanizing… until… she caught him red handed.

Yep. This news is the inspiration for this post.

Here are some things that a guy might tell you if you catch him cheating:

1. It wasn’t me. - Some ancient smartass thought up the ‘deny deny deny’ golden-rule of sorts, which is so old, really. If you get caught, own up. You’re already a cheater anyway, why add Liar to the equation?
2. I’m not seriously into her. It’s just sex.
3. It was a prank, I’m just making you jealous.
4. She’s my cousin.

Familiar?

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Filip says:
When we studied Dante's Divine Comedy back in lit class, I feared for my life and more importantly, my soul. Our awesome professor made sure we knew the novel by heart and that we've learned everything we can about hell and the purgatory. And then the Vatican came up with a new roster of deadly sins and I felt much much better and holier.

So, the Vatican has introduced seven new deadly sins. Do they have a committee that decides this kind of shit or something? The Committee of Sins, perhaps? Anyway, these new deadly sins (Genetic Modification, Experimenting on Humans, Polluting the Environment, Causing Social Injustice, Causing Poverty, Becoming Obscenely Wealthy, and Taking Drugs) are more hip than the original seven, and it doesn’t sit well with the old guys.

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Filip says:
I once thought that the easiest way to spot a Filipino abroad is if he has the unnecessary letter H added to his name (i.e., Bhaby, Mhon, Jhay-R) but apparently that's a tad hard because then you have to make them spell it. Good thing for me because Toe of kurokuroatbp. shared her thoughts about detecting Pinoys overseas (well, in Bangkok actually but I'm sure you'd get the drift).

Bangkok is crawling with Filipinos. They’re here in droves… in our hotel, in the malls, in bargain centers, and of course - in church. It’s not difficult to point them out and differentiate them from Thais and other Asians. Here’s how:

• LANGUAGE. Duh! Naturally, Filipinos speak in Tagalog. But even if they do speak in English, the Filipino accent is easily detectable. We definitely pronounce our Rs better than the Singaporeans, Malaysians, and Thais. And we don’t say lah after every word or sentence like the Singaporeans and Malaysians. But we do have our own mannerisms in our English like using the words ba, diba, na, ha. I can tell that I’m beside Filipinos while shopping in the bargain center. They say:You give me good price ha because I’m buying plenty from you, diba?What is this made of ba?Mommy, you buy me this watch ha?

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